the letter
TM died yesterday. this is the letter i wrote to his wife:
dear mrs. m,
i want to tell you how sorry i am to hear of mr. m's passing. for the short time i knew him, i can honestly say that i am a better person for having known him. he had a way about him that exuded faith, confidence, and a love of life. one of my hardest moments with him involved telling him that he could no longer ride his motorcycle--i can't imagine how difficult that was for him to hear. but, he took it in his stride, as he did with his cancer.
i also want to tell you how much you meant to mr. m. from coming to his appointments, to going to motorcycle rallies, to spooning water into his mouth with his medications--i could see his love for you in his eyes when i spoke of you. i understand that you were upset about not being at his side the moment he passed. remember the time you did spend caring for him, all the time you did spend by his side. over the past year, you did everything in your power and more.
i know the coming days will be difficult for you, but have faith that you will get through it. you are a strong person. if you need to talk, please let me know.
____
a comment from the cheerful oncologist, himself! thanks, doc. i will keep writing. of note, i was inspired by the following words from the cheerful oncologist:
"life is only fulfilled when the mind and body are in motion. As long as I can stand and think, I will keep moving - see patients, laugh at jokes, wrestle with my sons, walk the dog, meet my wife for lunch, call old friends - get out and be a part of this great world, not wail in my chair how unfair it all is."
go here for more.
posted by oncologist @ 9:02 PM
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I found your blog by way of The Cheerful Oncologist. I'd say you're off to a good start.
I said goodbye to my own cheerful oncologist about a year ago when he discharged me to the care of my internist. We talked about the new developments in the war against cancer which had arrived on the scene in the preceding 4 years.
He and his partners really seem to have a great well of strength on which to draw. Only once did I see a chink in his armor. I stopped in to visit a friend before going to his office. She had been diagnosed with advanced ovarian cancer shortly before my own diagnosis of localized rectal CA and he had very recently informed her that she did not have long to live. I mentioned her name and saw his eyes dampen slightly and a flicker of pain cross his face.
I'm sure he considered it a battle lost, but her diagnosis came so late there was never really a chance short of a miracle. He had given her many good months to spend with her family and helped her to accept the inevitable. Not the win either of them had wanted, but certainly a victory of a different sort.
So pleased to have found your blog. I have a wonderful oncologist who unfortunatly for me, is moving to another hospital for reasearch. I am thrilled for the world and upset personally...but the more patient and doctor communicate whether in surgery or in blogs, like ours, the better our understanding and arms against this great enemy will be...
Keep on ...
Minerva
Dear OncoG
I was led here via the Cheerful guy, as others have as well.
I'm a lung cancer patient, a never-smoker, 15mo from diagnosis, taking Tarceva and doing well.
I'll be back, I look forward to learning what you learn.
It's a view from the other side (well, not the OTHER side ha ha)
Lynne
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